So I’ve eaten meals with a number of clients recently and all of them have said basically the same thing to me:
“Don’t look at what I’m eating!!”
My answer is usually, “I don’t care! I’m not judging.”
Because it’s true. I’m NOT JUDGING.
You can eat whatever you want.
The only time I’m going to care or comment is if you ask me a question or ask me for help reaching a specific goal. (And yes, if you ask for my help and then complain that you aren’t reaching your goal when you aren’t truly following my advice…Then yes…I may be judging you…)
Otherwise it is your life and lots of different things work for lots of different people!
They say it in a joking manner…But there is an insecurity behind it. And, all of these clients who think they are worried about what I’m thinking are actually more insecure because of how they are judging THEMSELVES.
How much of that fear of judgement comes from the fact that we are judging ourselves and not happy with the verdict?
We often make excuses for our behavior if we think those around us won’t approve instead of just going about our business because it is how we do things and how we want to live our lives.
We don’t want them to judge us because that would only reinforce what we are thinking.
By excusing our behavior, we think that, to some extent, we will prevent judgement.
But while we “think” we are trying to prevent judgement from others, we are actually trying to quiet down our own internal judge.
Because let’s face it most people don’t care about anyone but themselves….And I don’t mean this in a negative narcissistic way…I just mean that the little flaws we see, the judgements we are making about ourselves, no one else even cares about because they are more focused on themselves and their life!
So the question then is….Why are you judging yourself?
If you don’t like your decisions, why are you making them?
We should feel confident and support our own decisions.
If I want to eat bad, even if no one else is, I’m going to eat bad! And I’m not going to excuse it or feel guilty about it.
I’m going to enjoy it!
And if I’m going to feel guilty about it, why would I do it?!
Because my guilt is truly what I’m excusing…I’m trying to make myself feel ‘ok’ about the decision almost by getting support from those around me and reassurance that they aren’t judging.
If they aren’t judging, maybe I don’t need to judge myself, right?!?
No one can reassure you but you.
And when you start realizing that the judgement of others isn’t what you truly fear, you can start to analyze why you are judging yourself.
So next time you feel like you need to excuse your behavior to someone, think about it first.
Do you really need their approval?
Why are you excusing the behavior? Do you fear judgement? Or do feel guilty and are truly judging yourself?
And if you are judging yourself, how are you going to change your behaviors so you don’t feel guilty…So that you can love yourself and feel comfortable in your own skin?