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Are We Our Own Worst Enemy?

So Saturday I hosted two workshops at the Limitless Women’s Conference.

The slogan for the conference was “I can. I will. I AM.”

I can. I will. I am.

And the goal of the conference was to inspire people to have more faith in themselves…To make people believe in themselves!

Because let’s face it…most people never make changes or better their lives not because they don’t have the ability or resources, not because someone else holds them back, not even because someone else tells them that they can’t…

But because they tell themselves, “I can’t. I won’t. I’m not.”

Most people are their own worst enemies.

We shoot ourselves down before we even give ourselves a shot. We look at our long-term goal and see just how far off we are from it, and maybe even think about the times before when we’ve failed, and give up either before we even gotten started or at the slightest sign of struggle.

We have it in our mind that success is a straight line and we get so focused on the end result that we can’t see all the small successes we achieve every day.

I mean think about it…How many times have you gotten down on yourself because you aren’t there YET instead of thinking about all the great things you’ve done today and the last few days, weeks and months to get yourself increasingly closer to your goal?

LIke all the time right!?!


Stop being your worst enemy and start believing in yourself!

And building that confidence doesn’t happen overnight. It also doesn’t happen just because you hit your big goal.

You actually build confidence through small victories.You need to celebrate even the tiniest of successes because even small successes build momentum and get you closer to your goal.

The small successes add up both in terms of actual results and MINDSET – actually most importantly in terms of MINDSET.

When you start to BELIEVE you CAN, you WILL.

When you set even the easiest, most simple goal and accomplish it, you will believe more in yourself.

It sounds stupid. But trust me it really really works.

When I have days where I’m stressed and I don’t even want to get started on work, I write down on my list some really stupid and simple tasks just so I can cross them off pretty early in the day and already feel like I’ve gotten a ton of stuff down.

For example, I check my email every morning when I wake up, but sometimes when I feel overloaded, I will actually write down on my daily task list, “check email” just so I can basically get up and cross something off my list. Seeing one thing done always motivates me to get started. And even then, I don’t necessarily do the things that NEED to be done first, I do the things that have the lowest barrier to entry first.


Because those small successes and accomplishments get the momentum going on days when I don’t even want to get started!

So start today. Make a list of easy and small things you can start doing that will at least prepare you to move forward on your goal.

Once you get the momentum going, the bigger changes won’t seem as daunting.

So stop telling yourself “NO..I can’t. I won’t. I’m not.”

Find even the smallest piece that you CAN DO today and start with that. Let everything else fall in to place as you progress.

One step at a time!!!

I faked it…

“Action seems to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go together; and by regulating the action, which is under the more direct control of will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling, which is not.”

– William James quoted in “How to Win Friends and Influence People”

I barely lost a match during any of  my college seasons.

Was it because I was the most skilled player?


Was it because I was the best player?


Was it because I was the fittest player?


It was because I had convinced myself I could beat anyone.

I wasn’t born with that sort of confidence.

I just faked it…until it became real.

Of course most of my teammates thought I was crazy and that really I just was that confident, but they were wrong.

I really had faked it until I started to believe it.

If you repeat something as truth enough times, you will start to BELIEVE it!

When I ran across the quote at the top of this post in my reading yesterday, I got super excited. I wanted to jump up and say, “SEE!!! I TOLD YOU!” (There was no one there though so I had to wait until now to say it…)

By regulating our actions, we can indirectly regulate our feelings.

By telling myself every day that I could win. By training like I was a top player. By walking and talking like I was great – I had made myself feel like a winner. I had convinced myself that I was.

So even though I came into college as the lowest ranked recruit in my year by ACTING like a WINNER even though I definitely didn’t FEEL like one at the start, I had BECOME a WINNER.

This is why you shouldn’t ever…I mean EVER…say the word “CAN’T.”

If you say you can’t do something, you will start acting like you can’t do it and  you will feel like you can’t do it.

BUT if you tell yourself “I can,” and keep repeating it while ACTING like you can, you will eventually be able to do it because you will feel like you can do it!

Changes don’t occur overnight, but your feelings will start to change.

It is all one big cycle.

You act a certain way because you feel a certain way, but if you change your actions, you will change how you feel.

So today choose who you want to be and what you want to accomplish.

Set a goal and tell yourself that you WILL accomplish it and start preparing and acting like you will. Soon you will have no doubt that you CAN accomplish it!

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